In a drastic turn of events, as even more performers have joined Jennifer Holliday in opting out of performing at the inauguration of the 45th President of the United States of America, president-elect Donald J. Trump has now enlisted his sons Eric and Donald Trump Jr. to play alongside their garage-band during the presidential inauguration.
“Pasty & the Combover$” last performed at the Trump Tower Christmas party of ‘09 to a room of scattered Trump Tower employees mostly eating shrimp and ignoring the various classic rock covers the Trump brothers attempted to perform.
“The shrimp was probably the best thing about that party,” Trump Tower sales development representative Jacob Wallace said. “I mean, I guess I remember the Trump kids plugging in these noisy amplifiers and making a ruckus for about 15 minutes, but we mostly just played Barry Manilow from my iPod afterwards and tried to forget that.”
Eric Trump was more than happy to help out his father after country star Toby Keith decided he could just no longer play for Trump.
“Oh man- me and my brother’s inauguration set is going to be epic,” Eric Trump said. “We’ve learned a lot about like, what amps are good amps. And this time we’re both going to use Line 6’s cause they got all these cool effects on them bro!”
Eric plans to “totally” use these effects on many of the various rock hits the Combover$ started to rehearse yesterday.
“Look, this one goes like wSHHHWHSHHHHSHH,” Eric Trump said. “And I’m gonna’ use it on Iron Man and Baba O’Reilly”
Brother Donald Trump Jr. also had high hopes for the performance.
“Look man, this time I’ve got a strap for my bass so I won’t have to sit awkwardly on some chair while I play,” Trump Jr. said. “Also it’s got like, flames on it, so you know it’s a really good strap. I won’t drop my bass this time.”
Drummer for The Combover$, Trump Tower accountant Bobby Jamison, was the only member nervous about playing for the entire country.
“Look I keep telling them we can’t do this,” Jamison said. “We haven’t practiced in months and we’re just not ready. They wrote this insane list of songs down and I have no idea how to play ‘Limelight’ by Rush. Are you serious?”
But Eric Trump, armed with a B.C. Rich Warlock, swore he looked up enough tabs from UltimateGuitar.com to nail the performance.
“Hells yeah we’re gonna’ play some Rush!” Eric Trump said. “I’m gonna turn my gain all the way up on ‘YYZ’ and roll the bass and treble way down - who needs those anyway?”
Though their set consists mostly of Rush covers than songs by other bands, Donald Trump Jr. admitted there was one Rush track he does not look forward to playing.
“I mean I don’t really connect to ‘Working Man’ all that much lyrically,” the Trump bassist said. “I mean it’s like, who cares? Working Man? Sad. But I guess we’ll play it for the fans out there. Pasty and the Combover$ are back baby!”
All of Pasty and the Combover$’s 14 Facebook fans are expected to attend the inauguration, according to Eric, and the boys are happy to fill in the 4 hour slot before 3 Doors Down.
“I just hope it’s not weird that we’re also ending our set with ‘Kryptonite,” Eric Trump said. “I mean I know they wrote it- but the way we play it is actually, I would say, like, a lot better. We do this whole… extended outro jam and like, just check out the main riff when I push this button on my amp: WSHHHHhhoooSHHHHHEHHHH!!”
Ivanka Trump will join the boys on tambourine on both “Carry On My Wayward Son” and “Freebird.”
