Lucky for Rafael Palmeiro he doesn't play baseball in Italy. If he did, he might be spending the offseason in jail instead of at home.
The same goes for Jason Giambi. All the sorrys in the world might not have spared him from the slammer.
The Italians take their drug testing seriously - so seriously that some athletes may start thinking twice about going to Turin in a few months for the Winter Olympics.
Think being stripped of a medal is embarrassing? How about being strip-searched, too?
That's conceivably what could happen in February when the International Olympic Committee holds its winter carnival in the northern Italian city of Turin.
In the past, all Olympic athletes had to worry about was losing a medal or being suspended if they tested positive for performance-enhancing drugs. That changes in Turin, where they could face jail time under a strict Italian law that makes doping a criminal act.
And it's not just talk. Recently, some cyclists were given suspended prison sentences and fined after police raided their hotel rooms during the 2001 Giro d'Italia and found syringes containing insulin and steroids.
In fact, the idea of skiers and skaters being led away in handcuffs or police raiding the Olympic Village worries the IOC so much that it has lobbied the Italian government - unsuccessfully so far - to impose a moratorium on the law and let it police the games itself.
"You think American professional hockey players, paid in the millions, will risk being put in handcuffs to come play in Turin? Come on, let's be realistic," IOC member Mario Pescante told a Turin newspaper.
Pescante should have some pull because he is also the Italian government's supervisor for the Turin games.
But so far the Italians aren't budging.
That's likely to get the Turin folks a scolding from the IOC when it meets Friday in Switzerland to discuss the upcoming games. The IOC contends Italian organizers have promised all along that the law would be suspended for the Olympics.
"This is not a new issue," IOC spokeswoman Giselle Davies said. "This has been on the table since the host city contract was signed nearly seven years ago. The onus of resolving the issue is in the hands of the games' organizers."
Funny thing is, this is the same IOC that, along with the World Anti-Doping Association, has touted itself as both the authority and the ultimate hardliner on the use of drugs in sports.
WADA chief Dick Pound has mocked baseball for its testing program and called for American sports leagues to adopt the doping agency's strict system, which includes unannounced screenings during the offseason.
The IOC and WADA have never been bothered when an athlete's career is ruined by a positive test. They didn't raise a protest when Marion Jones - who has never tested positive for steroids - was effectively shunned by the track world after BALCO founder Victor Conte said he provided her with the drugs.
Apparently, though, the prospect of Italian jails filling up with Olympians is too much even for even them to handle.
"The Olympic rules and the WADA code never contemplated having doped athletes locked up," Pound told The Globe and Mail of Toronto last week. "Just get them out of sport."
The IOC insists this doesn't mean it's soft on drugs. Officials point out they've stepped up tests and that two- to four-year suspensions are enough of a deterrent.
That's not strong enough in Italy, where athletes caught using banned substances risk prison sentences ranging from three months to three years. Health Minister Francesco Storace suggested recently that athletes who play it on the edge should simply "stay at home."
If history is any indication, that might be good advice for some. At the last Winter Olympics in Salt Lake City, five athletes tested positive for performance-enhancing drugs, including two cross-country skiers who were stripped of three gold medals.
If that wasn't bad enough, a German Paralympian was stripped of two gold medals and kicked out of the Paralympic Winter Games after testing positive for steroids.
Of course, we wouldn't even be discussing this at all if Bode Miller had his way. The best American skier of recent times said last week that "people should be able to do what they want to do" and that there shouldn't be drug testing at all.
Fortunately, Miller is better at skiing than he is deep thinking. If he needs a refresher course on what drugs can do for athletes, all he has to do is look at pictures - and times - of the broad-shouldered East German female swimmers from yesteryear.
The Italians are standing up to the IOC, and what's so bad about that? So what if the IOC is embarrassed by the idea of athletes going to jail - the idea is zero tolerance, and so far even the best efforts by the WADA cops have yet to keep even one Olympics clean.
In Italy, the consequences of being caught could mean slapping metal around the wrists instead of removing medals from around the neck.
If that discourages even one cheater from standing on the podium, that's good enough.
Tim Dahlberg is a national sports columnist for The Associated Press. Write to him at tdahlberg@ap.org
