Somewhere there's a Bill Gates, a Michael Dell, a Craig McCaw, a true pioneer who can focus all his outside-the-box imagination on college football, and somehow determine the first true national champion.
Or we could just take the leading teams in the BCS standings and have them play each other for four weekends.
Your drooling great-uncle could do it. Your dachshund could do it. There might even be a university president who can do it.
Hey, even we can do it.
First, let's establish the premise that there aren't 16 Division I-A teams who deserve a shot at the championship. We know this because Arizona State was 16th last week, before it lost to an Arizona team that couldn't move the ball down a ski slope.
But there are probably more than eight teams, most years, who should get their shot. Virginia Tech was 14th last weekend but beat Virginia on Saturday and will win the ACC outright if it wins at Miami on Saturday. Even if it doesn't, it will share the championship of the nation's best league.
So let's settle on 12 teams.That way we can give Nos.1 through 4 a first-round bye. Certainly USC, Auburn, Oklahoma and Cal deserve such an advantage.
We can begin the playoff on Dec. 18-19. Virtually all the universities are on Christmas break by then. The quarterfinals can be staged Dec. 26, the day after Christmas, and then the semis can be on New Year's Day.
Play the championship on Jan. 8. Watch the NFL ratings shrivel to C-Span levels by comparison.
Are you worried about the fans being asked to travel four consecutive weekends? Don't worry. Most of the first- and second-round games will be at campus sites. Again, the edge goes to those who earned it during the regular season.
Are you worried about the rest of the bowls? To be sure, they aren't faring so well under the current system, in which they go trolling for the Wyomings and the UABs. If they want to play their silly games with the leftover teams and if they can find a network that is so desperate for programming, let them.
Here's how the format would work in 2004, using last week's BCS poll:
FIRST ROUND
* Michigan (12) at Texas (5): Longhorns win, 34-13. Coach Mack Brown petitions for admission to NFL.
* Iowa (12) at Utah (6): Undefeated Utes win a tight one, 23-21, and Coach Urban Meyer reveals the advice in the letters he used to write Bear Bryant and Amos Alonzo Stagg.
* Boise State (7) at Louisville (10): On the road, the Broncos pull a 30-23 upset. "Once we adjusted to the green turf, we were fine," Coach Dan Hawkins says.
* Miami (9) at Georgia (8): Bulldogs beat the Hurricanes, 17-13, after pep rally at which Zell Miller says Miami "couldn't beat the French."
SECOND ROUND
* Georgia at USC (1): Trojans fall behind 28-0, make some of those crucial "halftime adjustments," win 52-28.
* Boise State at Oklahoma (2): Sooners triumph, 47-10, and ASPCA protests on behalf of overworked ponies pulling the "Sooner Schooner" after each touchdown.
* Utah at Auburn (3): Urban Meyer's innovative single-file formation confuses Tigers, leads Utah to 34-30 upset.
* Texas at Cal (4): Aaron Rodgers' four touchdown passes lead Cal to 31-13 victory over Longhorns. "That's a relief - now we can go back to the Holiday Bowl," Brown says.
SEMIFINALS (HOUSTON)
* USC 15, Cal 14: Although Rodgers completes his first 30 passes, Ryan Killeen's five 50-yard field goals rescue Trojans, who are outgained 504 to 112 but still win.
* Utah 47, Oklahoma 33: Coin toss is interrupted by full brawl between Utes and Sooners, arguing over which coach invented football.
CHAMPIONSHIP GAME (ATLANTA)
* USC 40, Utah 14: Mike Patterson tackles quarterback, fullback and wide receiver simultaneously on first play, setting the tone. Another key play is USC's fake punt with 30 seconds left.
FOOTNOTES
* Meyer is named coach at Florida and agrees to take charge of NASA during bye weeks.
* UCLA celebrates Insight Bowl victory over Notre Dame, which is also its first victory over a bowl-eligible team.
* Coaches petition the NCAA convention for 120 scholarships, mandatory off-season conditioning programs and titanium shafts for all recruits.
* Escort services close their doors all over Boulder, Colo., in order to watch Buffaloes' heroic 65-7 loss to Oklahoma in Big 12 championship.
* Pulitzer Committee is authorized by attorney general's office to arrest any sports writer or ESPN anchor who continues to refer to South Carolina's Steve Spurrier as "The Ol' Ball Coach."
* Norm Chow, USC's offensive coordinator, takes Utah job and says he'll begin recruiting as soon as somebody pries Pete Carroll's hands off his foot.
* Joe Paterno begins to take the hint when CBS unveils new "CSI: State College" series.
* The Seminole Nation officially protests Florida State's nickname as long as FSU continues to lose to Maryland and Florida.
* Ex-Florida coach Ron Zook establishes software company that sends viruses to all fire-the-coach.com sites.
* Baylor players charge into stands in vain effort to find spectators.
* Texas Tech coach Mike Leach makes the same 4-foot putt again and again in a misguided effort to run up the score at the coaches' golf tournament.
* And NCAA basketball committee, weary of controversy over tournament selections, announces a radical change in format. From now on, the hoop title will be decided by a bowl system.
