Valentine's Day can be one of the most depressing days of theyear for college students involved in long-distance relationships,according to recent research.
Long distance relationships are linked to feelings of depressionthat go beyond the I-miss-you blues, according to research byGregory Guldner, director of the Center for the Study ofLong-Distance Relationships and author of "Long-DistanceRelationships: The Complete Guide."
Nearly eight out of 10 college students will have along-distance relationship, Guldner found. Of these, most showsigns of mild depression when separated. Symptoms includedifficulty concentrating, lack of interest in activities andinsomnia, as well as an overall down feeling.
"I missed him a lot," Brandy King said about the year herboyfriend was overseas with the Marines.
For King, a senior psychology and English major, separation wasnormal in her relationship. She and her boyfriend were "pen-pals"for five years before dating for the past three.
However, King said she finds the reunion somewhat more difficultthan the separation.
"Being together all the time is the new part," she said. "Theseparation definitely made our relationship harder to break."
Looking back, King said she is grateful for the opportunity todevelop a stronger relationship.
"If we can survive not seeing each other for a year, we cansurvive anything," she said.
While University of Memphis student Keysha Ward doesn't admit todepression resulting from her long-distance relationship, she saideveryone has down times.
Ward's boyfriend, who is currently stationed for 92 days inCalifornia with the Air Force, will be deployed to Baghdad withinthe next month.
"I try not to think about it," Ward said. "If you keep busy, youdon't think about it."
Ward, who plans to graduate in May with a degree in psychology,serves as a resident adviser at Rawls Hall, tutors an autisticchild and keeps busy with her course work.
Despite her heavy schedule, she finds time to talk on the phoneto her boyfriend every day and visit him in California every coupleof months.
U of M junior Angie Bilderbeck also understands the complexitiesof a long-distance relationship. Her boyfriend, also in the AirForce, is stationed in Pensacola, Fla. for pilot training.
In addition to being a member of Alpha Gamma Delta sorority,Bilderbeck is applying to nursing school, activities that keep hertoo busy to concentrate on the separation from her boyfriend.
"The biggest problem is staying as interested in him as when hewas here and not forgetting about what we have," she said. "We talka lot to keep each other up to date."
Bilderbeck won't reunite with her boyfriend until July, when hefinishes training. She probably won't see him again untilThanksgiving and Christmas, she said.
"I think our relationship has gotten stronger," Bilderbeck said."I think you have to be stronger in a long-distancerelationship."
Guldner identifies three stages to separation in his book. Thefirst is the protest stage. This is a reaction that fights theseparation in ways such as mild sorrow, panic or anger. Many peopletry to dismiss this instead of acknowledging it, he said, whichleads to more anger and a lack of understanding of the cause.
The second is depression. While separation in long distancerelationships can lead to severe, clinical depression, most peopleonly experience a mild form. Guldner said mild depression is analmost universal response to separation. No matter how long coupleshave been separated, they still feel mildly depressed.
Guldner's third stage of separation is detachment, which is animportant coping method. People form a certain degree of detachmentin order to adapt to the separation. This doesn't mean couplesbreak up or lose interest, but they put thoughts of therelationship behind thoughts of everyday life.
